Isla Catar (Story by Allosaurus571) Part 1 DONE!!!!!!

Hey everyone. I am working on a book called Isla Catar. I hope you like it!


“And the winners of the Photo Safari for five to the African Savannah are.” The announcer said into a microphone. “Nick Jones”
The crowd roared
“Ellie Johnson” The announcer said.
The crowd roared again
“Cris Castellanos” Said the announcer.
The crowd Screamed
“Jack Swartz” The announcer said.
The crowd screamed again
“And finally, J. Low” The announcer finished.
“BOO!!!!!!!!!!! YOU STINK!!!!!” The crowd yelled.
“SHUT UP!” J. Low yelled.
“Calm down sir.” The announcer said.
Nick Jones was a slightly tall, nervous man. He seemed to have stage fright. He was about twenty-eight years old. Ellie Johnson was a normal sized woman about thirty years old and known as being a risk taker. She stood straight and tall. Cris Castellanos was a tall man, who mainly wore black. He was about twenty-five. Jack Swartz, was a strong, tall man. He was known for bragging a lot. Swartz was around 27. J. Low was just a stubborn, high maintenance snob. He had to have everything his way and he complains about everything. That is probably why so many people hate him. He was about 25.
“And now, your guides will be the highly renowned, John Seigler and Ray Sanders.” The announcer said.
The crowd cheered.
“John Seigler, Ray Sanders. Woo hoo.” J. Low said sarcasticly. “You all know that’s just a show. They’re not really that amazing. They just use anima . . . tion.” J. Low fell to the ground asleep. A dart stuck in his neck.
“Sorry about that.” A man said walking out from behind some curtains. “He is just so annoying.
“Who are you?” Cris asked.
“My name is Ray Sanders.” The man said.
“And I’m John Seigler” Another man said as he walked through curtains.
The crowd screamed.
John Seigler and Ray Sanders were world renowned hunters/tour guides. John was about 35 and was a strong. Ray Sanders was also strong, but was slightly shorter. He was 28.

Jack Swartz walked towards the private jet to Africa. Cris was calling him. But he was in no hurry, though. He just kept walking. Finally, he walked up the ramp into the plane.
“What the h**l took you so long!?” Cris asked.
“I was too busy signing autographs.” Jack replied.
“Just shut up and sit down.” Cris said.
“Will both of you just stop fighting?” Ellie said.
“LIFT OFF!” John Seigler said. He was driving the plane.
The plane started to drive forward and then lift into the air. Nick Jones quickly buckled his seat-belt. He was teeth were chattering. He looked scared to death.
“Calm down Nick, It’s just a plane.” Ellie said to Nick.
“Planes . . . crash” Nick said in a small voice.
“Unless theirs is a storm, this plane is not going to crash.” Ellie replied.
About two hours later, the inter-com came on. John Seigler spoke.
“Attention passengers, there are some dark clouds up ahead. Hold on tight, this is going to be a bumpy ride” John said.


“Oh no . . . a storm . . .” Nick stuttered. “We’re all going to die . . .”
“Calm down Nick, it’s just a little storm” Ellie said.
At that second, a bolt of lightning, as big as the plane, flashed ten feet from the plane. Nick screamed and covered his head.
“YOU CALL THAT LITTLE!!” Nick yelled.
“It’s just a little lightning”-A bolt of lightning flashed-“AHH!” Jack screamed. “I mean . . . um . . . that’s what Nick was like.
“HA HA HA!! Right.” Cris said sarcastically. “Just admit it, you were scared”
“Shut Up! No I wasn’t!!” Jack said angerly.
“Will all of you just SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!” J. Low yelled.
“J. Low, just be quiet, I’m trying to fly a plane!” John yelled.
Suddenly, a bolt of lightning hit the left wing. It shattered into pieces.
“I’ve lost control!” John yelled.
“We’re going to die, we’re going to, die . . .” Nick said over and over.
“We’re not going to die, John knows how to fly.” Ellie said, trying to calm Nick down.
A sudden lash of wind hit the plane. The plane flipped over. Another lash of wind hit, putting it back upright. John was struggling with the controls. Then, suddenly, the controls responded.
“I have re-gained control!” John said. “Now we just got to find somewhere to land.”
“Hey John.” Ray said. “There’s an island in about two miles.”
“Then that’s where we are going.” John replied.
The plane could barley fly and was being pushed by the wind. But, John kept control. Ellie had finally calmed Nick down when another lightning bolt struck the plane on the right wing.
“AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! WE’RE GOING TO DIE!!!!!” Nick screamed.
The planed began to hurtle towards the ocean. The, out of the clouds, John saw the island. He tried to direct the doomed plane towards the island. John pulled the planed up to try to land the plane safely.
“THIS SUCKS!! I NEVER SHOULD OF SIGN UP FOR THIS!!!” J. Low yelled.
“J. Low, for the last time . . . SHUT UP!!!!!!” John yelled.
The plane approched the island at high speeds. John pulled the joystick has hard as he could. The plane slowey pulled up.
“AHHHHHH!!!!!!!” Jack screamed. “Were gonna d-“ The plane hit the ground

The plane hit the ground on the beach. The rain pelted the smoldering hunk of metel. The plane sat on the beach with no sign of life. The plane sat there for an hour, still no sign of life. Finally, John Seigler crawled out of the wreck. Then came Ray Sanders.
“Hey, everyone okay?” Ray said.
The rest of the people climbed out of the plane. Ray made sure everyone was okay while John scouted the area.
“Everyone is okay.” Ray told John.
“Good” John replied.
Ray look around and saw a footprint. He walked over to take a look. It had three toes. The print looked like a oversized chicken footprint.
“Oh my god.” Ray said.
“What is it?” John asked.
“You should come take a look at this!” Ray told John.
John walked over. He looked at the print.
“They lead to the forest.” He said.
The other walked over a looked.
“I knew signing up for this was a bad idea” Nick said.
“Stop your wineing! All you do is wine!” J. Low said
“Just shut up J. Low.” Cris said.
“You shut up you b***h.” J. Low said.
“Ok, that’s it J. Low.” Cris said angrly. Cris punched J. Low in the face. J. Low fell to the ground.
“Hey, that looked like fun.” Ellie said.
“Guys, calm down.” John said.
“Oww . . . that hurt.” J. Low said while getting up. His nose was broken and blood was trickling down his face.
They heard a growl come the forest. They all looked up. Then they saw eyes in the forest.
“Everyone, follow me.” John said. “QUICK!”
They all ran to the plane. John searched through the plane. Finally, he found a box. He opened it. Inside were two Tanaka shotguns, four hunting rifles, a M16, and a tazor gun.
“I brought these just in case.” John said.
He gave Cris, Ellie, Nick, and Jack each a hunting rifle. J. Low got a tazor and Ray the M16. He took the Tanaka.
“What! All I get is a Tazor!” This sucks!” J. Low said.
They heard more growling. There were more eyes now. About three. Then, the three cretures came running out. Everyone got their guns ready. The creatures were to fast to get a good aim on. One jump at Nick. He aimed . . . and fired.


The bullet hit the creature in the chest it fell to the ground in pain. It quickly got back up but John shot it. The creature fell, it was still alive, but wasn’t getting up. The other two saw the oe go down and ran back into the forest.
“What the h**l were those!” Jack yelled.
“I don’t know, but this one is their leader.” Ray said looking at the crippled creature.
“How can you tell?” Cris asked.
“Did you see the other ones?’ Ray asked. “They were orange with a few light black stipes. This one is also orange, but has many black stripes. And a few feathers on his head.”
“Your point is?” J. Low said.
“Huh, your so stupid, there are two of them, and one of the guys like him.” Ray said pointing down at the creature. “He is the Leader. Do you understand?”
“Don’t you call me stupid you b-“ He fell to ground with a dart in his neck. He was asleep.
“He is annoying isn’t he.” Ray said.
Everyone thanked him.
“I know what they were.” John said.
John was looking at the crippled creaturne. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a bone. It was a Deinoychus killing claw. He compared it to the crippled creatures raised claw. They were about the same size.
“Wha-what is it?” Nick asked.
“It’s a Deinoychus.” John replied.
“That’s so funny I forgot to laugh.” Jack said Sarcasticly. “So, what is it really.”
“I told you, Deinoychus” John said.
Then, they all felt the ground shake. It sounded like giant footsteps.
“Oh god.” Nick said shivering. “What was that?”
Then, they all heard gunshots. They looked around. Then they looked at Cris. He was aiming at the forest.
“I saw something.” Cris said.
J. Low woke up.
“No you didn’t. It was probaly just the” They all heard a huge roar. “wind . . .” J. Low said.
They all stared at the forest.

Chapter 5

“Guys, get together, there’s something over there.” John said cocking his SPAS 12.
Suddenly, a huge creature came running out of the forest, right for the small group. It roared as it ran. They all screamed. Jack ran from the group as the rest stayed together. The monster of an animal ran after it.
“OH MY GOD!!!!!!!! I DON’T WANNA DIE!!!!!!!!!!” Jack screamed as he ran.
“No, Jack! Don’t run from it!” John yelled. But it was too late; the creature had him in his mouth and was shaking him violently. Then, it threw him in the air, and ate him.
John reached into his pocket and pulled out a flare, he lit it up, and tried to get the animal’s attention.
“HEY, OVER HERE!!!!” He yelled, then he threw the flare into the forest.
The creature ran after it. As it disappeared from sight, the group sat down, the rain continued to fall.
“Great, we lost one guy.” John said.
“Ah who cares, he deserved it, for being so cocky.” Cris said.
“No man deserves that kind of fate.” Ray said.
“I’ll go get his gun.” John said. He walked over and grabbed, he then slung it around his neck. “It’s not safe out here, let’s get to the forest.”
Everyone began to go into the forest. It was hard, the forest was lush, and soaking wet from all the rain. Then, they found a clearing. There were two trails.
“Let’s take the right one.” Ray said.
“No, let’s take the left one.” J.Low said.
“Right one.”
“Left one.”
“J.Low, you want to go the left one, go ahead, we’ll take the right one.” Cris said.
“Fine, I will.” J.Low said walking off.
“Come on, let’s go guys.” John said. They walked off into the right trail.


J.Low walked through the thick Jungle. Following the path he took. As he walked, he tripped over a root. He fell to the ground with a thud. As he got up, something caught his eye. He walked over. Nestled in a mound of dirt, were four eggs.
“Mmmmmmm, eggs.” J.Low said picking one up. “I knew I didn’t need them. They’re probably eating worms or something like that, but I got eggs.”
Back to the Group
“Hey guys! Look what I found!” Ellie yelled.
The rest of the group walked over. There, in a clearing was a dead animal with a fruit tree by it.
“I’m starved!” Cris said.
“Me too, you guys start on the fruit, I’ll roast this meat.” John said.
Back to J.Low
J.Low grabbed an egg and cracked it open. A small, curled up animal slid out. The booshes next to him shook.
“What is that? What was that noise. Ahh, who cares.” J. Low said. He began to eat.
Suddenly, something jumped out from the forest. J. Low jumped up. The creature was one of those Deinoychus. J. Low slowly backed up. Then, he began to run. After about 100 feet, he turned around. The Deinoychus was not following him. He breathed a sigh of relief. Then, he felt hot breath on the back of his neck. He turned around. A Deinoychus was staring down at him.
“OHH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!” J. Low yelled. J. Low began to run back down the trail.
Then, the other Deinoychus jumped in front of him. He dug into pocket and took out his tazor. One of the raptors jumped at him, he tazed it. He then ran into trail. While running, he turned around, the other raptor was inspecting his fallen comrades body. Suddenly, he tripped over a log and fell down a drop off. He hit the ground.
“AHHH!” J. Low yelled. “MY LEG!!”
J. Low had broken his leg. As he lay there screaming in pain, the raptors came. They began to surround him. They began growling and nipping at each other. Then they pounced on him they began tearing at his skin. One bit a hand clean off.
“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” J. Low yelled, his screams echoed in the night.
“What was that?” Nick said.
“It sounded like J. Low.” Ellie said.
“I sure hope it was.” Cris said.
“I’ll go check it out.” Ray said.
He walked away. Nick was rocking back and forth muttering: “Oh ,my god.” They were all sticking together. They had to.

The rest in Part 2!

Pretty nice, I think a little too much dialogue, and Ellie is the same as Ellie Staler....Other than that, I give it 7/10.

I know. Ill try and edit that. Chapter 2 done!

At the part where the lightning breaks the wing, you need a little more description. It's kinda bland.

Suddenly, a bolt of lightning hit the left wing. It shattered into pieces.


"It shattered into pieces...." Hmmmm.

Here's one idea:
The brilliant (white?) wing and engine blazed into flames that were eager to lick the plane to to it's destruction..

Me have an idea for it! A bolt of lightning hit the wing. The wing burts into flames and then shatered. The stub of wing that was left was on fire. Hows that sound?

Hey, nice! This is sooo awesome!!!

Thanks. Im goining to get to work.

Very intresting.

Chapter 4 DONE!!!!

OMG THAT's AWESOME!

"The plane hit the ground on the beach. The rain pelted the smoldering hunk of metel. The plane sat on the beach with no sign of life. The plane sat there for an hour, still no sign of life. Finally, John Seigler crawled out of the wreck. Then came Ray Sanders."

I LOVE THAT! Best description since Harry Potter!

Thanks Can anyone guess what the "Creature" was?

Either T rex or Velociraptor?

One of those. Ill make a poll.

Alright. Great job!

Ok, please vote!

I say raptors.

Also, who thinks Nick will survive?

hmmm....I don't think so.

Ch. 4 DONE!!!!

Really, really, good. I just noticed a few errors in the tenses. (e.g. you say something was and then it is.) Also, when the plane crashes, you say "the plane" a lot, I think it would be just as good with "it".

Its my first long story.

Nice, but if it were to be a real long story, the chapters would be much longer.

Did you make this ???

It's um...... really good !

Thanks!

True....